Dating the “home girl”

I have a million home girls. I don’t know how they became my friends or why they are still my friends but they are. I often wonder what would happen if me and one of my home girls stopped talking about how we will be single forever and actually dated. What would happen? I mean, as of right now.. I enjoy my female friends company. All of them. Its fun. We joke, we laugh, we converse about random ass topics, no one is trying to hard and I like that. But I think I like it because we don’t expect anything from another. Whenever I date someone I always think “what happen to the cool chick I was just hanging with a week ago?”

A lot of people like to blame sex but I call them idiots and think they don’t know any better. Busting a nut never made me view a woman differently. If the sex was good I wouldn’t act funny because I would want more and if it was bad.. Well.. There is no point. That’s just that. So I sat and thought to myself “What the fuck is so different?” I figured it out. Its expectations.

When, lets say, Chrissy. Lets use Chrissy. When Chrissy is just my home girl then we just expect good times and good company. Occasionally we might need one another for emergencies but that’s nothing. As soon as we make the move from friends to “friends” those expectations multiply x’s 10!

With this new side of Chrissy, certain jokes can’t be told because she is now more conscious around me.  This is what messes me up and keeps me single; I see the other side of her. The nagging side, the insecure side, and any other side she never showed me just being my friend. I slowly begin to see why every man before me has opted out of dealing with her. I begin to see the real story.As her friend I got the end result of her meeting a new guy.. “All niggas ain’t shit!” I never see what happens in the middle, I will though if we start dating.

Here is where it gets tricky, when I meet a female that thought runs through my head. I think and sit on it and say no. That’s why I have a million home girls. I would rather deal with them without knowing their other side. But I often if I will meet a female where things won’t change that much after we switch it up. Why does it have to switch up? No one knows. I don’t. I hate this shit.

-Diz

Starting Over…

Why ask for your number? Why even engage in this knowing that nothing will come of it? I mean, you’ve been hurt and I’ve been hurt. Hell, you’ve hurt folks and so have I. I don’t want to learn about you… Your birthday, your favorite colors, what you like to eat, how you like to be held and how you want to be fucked! Why take the time to even start something knowing that it might not last? The energy it takes to get you to trust me and know that I’m not only about sex and to get you to get over ya ex and the shit he did to you is tiring! That task alone is enough to detour me away from starting over..

All this ran through my head when I was about to ask this female for her number. The funny thing to me is this, I will convince a chick to stop talking to the guy who giving her all this heartache and pain, all the bullshit with the guy who won’t be her boyfriend only to end up doing the exact same thing! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being negative, I’m just being honest. Who wants to start over and repeat the exact same thing over and over when it comes to this dating game? It’s taking its toll on my heart. I know females think the exact same way! Ya ll know that shit isn’t going to work out with a guy so what y’all do? Get a good one night out of him and then just become “busy”! Why even entertain the idea of you starting over with a new guy when you know it ain’t hitting on nothing? Smart..

It’s a whole HEAAAP of folks who just loving to love. They not actually in love, they just love the idea of being in love with a certain person and that’s how folks get hurt. I know I have been in love only twice. Erica and India.. I don’t know why females think I have a whole slew of chicks just all on me, naw. Maybe if I could ignore my conscious begging me not to bring another headache in the equation I would, BUT, I can’t. Shit is all sweet at first with “new comers” till the questioning starts, the insecurities kick in and the conversation turn sour. I know its bound to happen.. I know it. The fucked up thing is, when I TRY to be a females friend for a minute, just to test it out (maybe its males too, ladies let me know) but they start feeling me and want to date me RIGHT THEN or its a problem. If I don’t date them, they will stop talking to me and end the friendship altogether because they want to date me when THEY think its right. I know that has happened to me a few times. Bullshit!

All I know is, I hate being single but I love being single. Its bitter sweet. I miss the companionship and all the cute shit that comes with it but I don’t miss the headaches and bullshit that came along with it as well. To me, the bullshit out weighs the good shit so I refrain from starting over for right now. I tried too many times!! What about y’all? Let me know why YOU in a relationship or not in a relationship. Is this true for you too or am I just bugging out?

Fuck Me.. Tease me..

I know that when I get that text or phone call from you it ain’t to hear what I want to hear. I mean, I love hearing from you but.. This just fucks with me. You come over and we flirt for a little bit. Talk about small shit, like how your day was and all that. Then you get close and I kiss you. You grab me like you missed me and kiss me back. Shirts come off, jeans come off, cools come off and the heat is on. I missed you so much is all I’m thinking as i climb inside you and you moan deep. You grab my back and leave scars of frustration and unhappiness. I take my tongue and go down your neck, to your stomach, and taste the area farthest from your heart. I turn you over and climb inside again as you grab the sheets and moan. I smack your ass because you like it and its the only way I can hit you without it being abuse. But I’m angry so ever stroke i go in harder and smack you harder till you shake and breathe deep. You want to keep it going so you turn me on my back and grab me and put me inside the place you use to tell lies. You do it SO good, you suck so good. YOU SUCK SO GOOD!!

Maybe They Don’t Know How

I am starting to believe that some people fail in relationships because they don’t know how to be in one. My generation is the single parent generation. The reason I say that is because if you have never seen someone be in love and know what it takes then how will you know? For example, take a man that was raised by a single mother. He probably never seen his mom date or be in a committed relationship. Some single mothers try to keep the boyfriend away from the kids for reasons I can understand. That man might not know how to treat his woman like a queen because he never seen his mom treated like one. How will he know how to cater to her every need, how will he know how to be sensitive for her? This day and age, showing sensitivity (especially in the African American household) can be looked at as being gay. Sometimes for me I honestly don’t know what I am doing half the time I am dealing with a woman. I often fuck up and they view it as being insensitive or an asshole and call it quits. Well why don’t you teach? Some men you can’t teach because of pride, being stubborn, or just being blind to the fact that they are doing something wrong and refuse to change.

When It comes to women, a lot of them didn’t see their mom cater to a man. They didn’t see how she stroked the ego, they didn’t see how the mom loved him through his good days and bad days. Now a days women confide in other women who also have absolutely no idea what they are doing and it makes things worse. A lot of women don’t know how to be submissive because they view it as being weak. I can imagine why though. They have never seen their mother be submissive. With only seeing their mother work and take care of business they never seen the sweet sensitive side of her. If a man comes along and try to change it they view it as them not loving them as they are and you don’t want that.

Single mothers often just work to provide for the household. Forgetting to show other things like love for the opposite sex which in turns mess up the child view on what it takes to be in love. Generation after generation of this and soon love will be known as a fuck buddy you had for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not true for everyone. After awhile some people will get tired of being alone and will realize what they will have to do in order to have someone around forever. I think love these days fail because a lot of people don’t know what it takes. They see the movies and hear the songs and want an exact duplicate of perfect love and that doesn’t exist.

This might be a little far fetched but this is what I’ve come to see. People will invest in their future by going to college. Taking out loans, studying for finals, writing papers, being away from home, etc all in the name of an education. What if the financial office was honest when you first started college and told you “When you graduate, you probably won’t find a job in your field and for the first couple years after graduation you will be working at walmart.” Would you still hold your head up high about going to college and graduating? Would you still be willing to invest everything into that? Why should love be looked at any differently? Not even love, why not look at a relationship like that? You will be away from home, everyday wont be great, you will have to invest time and money, etc. but it MIGHT not work. Sometimes you will want to quit but don’t. But that’s neither here nor there. Stop and think. Sometimes people aren’t afraid of commitment, maybe they just don’t know how to love because they have never witnessed it in person.

-Dizzy

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